The Twelve Days of Gumby Christmas

Gumby wishes all the non-green persons and objects in the world a very Merry Christmas. Sometimes Gumby gets a bad rap for being too pro-green. Green this and green that. For this year’s Christmas card, Gumby has intentionally decided to share his space with the color RED. This is a direct “nod-of-the-head” in the direction of diversity, whether the color RED deserves it or not.

As a holiday treat below, Gumby offers you his version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”. Sing along and Seasons Greeting!

On the first day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Five grumpy Gumbites
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Six swine a sneezing
Five grumpy Gumbites
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Seven soldiers sweating
Six swine a sneezing
Five grumpy Gumbites
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Eight Pukites puking
Seven soldiers sweating
Six swine a sneezing
Five grumpy Gumbites
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Nine months unemployment
Eight Pukites puking
Seven soldiers sweating
Six swine a sneezing
Five grumpy Gumbites
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Ten GEICO geckos
Nine months unemployment
Eight Pukites puking
Seven soldiers sweating
Six swine a sneezing
Five grumpy Gumbites
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Eleven pints of green goo
Ten GEICO geckos
Nine months unemployment
Eight Pukites puking
Seven soldiers sweating
Six swine a sneezing
Five grumpy Gumbites
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my Gumby sent to me,
Twelve sheet iron crackers
Eleven pints of green goo
Ten GEICO geckos
Nine months unemployment
Eight Pukites puking
Seven soldiers sweating
Six swine a sneezing
Five grumpy Gumbites
Four cans of peas
Three farby rebs
Two Pokey toys
And a Gumbelina in a pear tree.

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!!!!!!

The Christmas Eve Star

(With apologizes to the Cotton Patch Gospel)

It happened in those days that a proclamation went out from President Augustus that every citizen must register. So everybody went to register, each going to his own home town. Joseph too went up from south Georgia from the town of Valdosta, to his home in north Georgia, a place called Gainesville, to register with his bride Mary, who by now was heavily pregnant.

While they were there, her time came, and she gave birth to her first baby. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in an apple box. (There was no room for them at the hospital.) When the time for the christening came, Joseph and Mary named him Jesus as an angel had told them. This confounded the relatives, because no one from either side of the family had ever been named Jesus.

When Jesus was born in Gainesville, during the time that Herod was governor, some scholars from the Orient came to Atlanta and inquired, “Where is the one who was born to be governor of Georgia? We saw his star in the Orient, and we came to honor him.” This news put Governor Herod and all his cronies in a tizzy. So he called a meeting of the big time preachers and politicians, and asked if they had any idea where the leader was to be born. “In Gainesville, Georgia” they replied.

Then Herod called in the scholars privately and questioned them in detail about the exact time of the star’s appearance. And he sent them off to Gainesville with this instruction: “Go and find out the facts about the child. Then tell me what you’ve learned…” They listened to the governor and left. And you know, the star which they saw in the Orient went ahead of them until it came and stood above the place where the child was. (Just looking at the star flooded them with great happiness.) So they went inside the house and saw Mary with the baby. They bowed down and honored him, and opened the presents they had brought to him – gifts of an American Express gold card, scented candles and a bottle of Jade East perfume.

Gumby, always a fan of astronomy, also noticed the star using his Tasco Spacestation 60AZ refractor telescope viewing at 500x magnification. Being in Georgia anyway retracing Sherman’s march to the sea, Gumby followed the star to the trailer home where Jesus was born and arrived right at the same time as the scholars pulled up in their rental car smoking a pack of camels. The trailer was so drafty; the outside was lined with bales of hay to help keep the wind out.

After the three gifts were presented, Gumby offered Jesus the most precious gift of all – a gift of green. This rare image of Gumby presenting his gift to the baby Jesus was snapped by Joseph on his Kodak Instamatic model 100 camera (with fixed shutter speed, aperture and focus, featuring a built-in flashgun for AG-1 "peanut" bulbs). When Jesus saw the green bow, he cooed, laughed, then smiled. He even gave Gumby a big “thumbs up” sign (even though he was God, Jesus was obviously too young to speak yet). Gumby seemed to hear a deep voice in his head saying “Thank you, Gumby my toy”. Gumby was happy. Jesus was happy. It was a happy Christmas Eve. Peace on earth and good will to all the people.