It’s a historical fact that back in the 1800s, Missourians were sometimes referred to as Pukites*. It’s a lesser known historical fact that Kansans were sometimes called Gumbites*. These two faction’s hatred of each other goes back to the pre-Civil War border war period (much like today’s Jaywalk vs Tigers sports rivalry, except today they don’t kill each other).
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your point of view), elements of both of these radical groups still exist today. Members live in the past and on average possess lower IQs. Like with a severe case of attention deficit disorder, these poor folks can only fixate and obsess over one thing at a time.
In today’s modern world of the internet, blogs, and emails, misinformation can be distributed faster than you can say Enfatinturelitism. This modern technology gives new found power and perceived importance to these radical groups.
Gumby though, always a student and friend of history, has a celebrity honorary membership to the Osawatomie Kansas chapter of the John Brown Gumbite and Red Leg Society Post 34 (so numbered for Kansas being the 34th state in the Union – admitted as a free-state).
As good fortune would have it, Gumby was at a recent John Brown meeting when, low and behold, who should pop her perky little head into the meetin’ room? None other than ex-mayor, ex-VP candidate, ex-governor, ex-front page news, ex-future-mother-in-law, celebrity-wanna-be Sarah Palin! (woo-hoo!) Gumby and all the rest of the ol’ boys were stunned like a duck hit on the head with a club. Gumby was so excited at the sight of Palin that he wet himself (just a little).
Palin was heard to say “Gosh darn it you boys are hotter than a space heater on a cold January night in Fairbanks” and called Gumby “a true American maverick”.
Shown in the exclusive photo above is a gun-totin’ Palin with Gumby and his fellow Gumbites. Afterward, Palin asked “Do you boys have a helicopter I can borrow to go wolf hunting?”
Foot notes:
*Pukite – The Dictionary of American Regional English (Vol. 4, Harvard University Press, 2002) lists 1831 as the first reference to Missourians being referred to as "pukes," while the noted Ozarks folklorist Vance Randolph discusses the origin of the term at length in his book Down in the Holler: a Gallery of Ozarks Folk Speech (University of Oklahoma Press, 1953, 1986). One theory of the origin of the term cites a story that residents of St. Louis in the early 19th century "got the pukes" from eating local wild greens, or gathered Illinois "pukeroots" to stem the sickness, thus becoming "puke-hunters" or "pukes." Randolph mentions on page 274 that residents of Arkansas & Oklahoma frequently referred to Missouri as "The Puke Territory" or the "Puke Nation."
*Gumbite – A small green toy, a follower of a small green toy, or one who professes the teachings and beliefs of a small green toy. Commonly a wearer of wool and a chapeau. Commonly armed, but not dangerous.
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your point of view), elements of both of these radical groups still exist today. Members live in the past and on average possess lower IQs. Like with a severe case of attention deficit disorder, these poor folks can only fixate and obsess over one thing at a time.
In today’s modern world of the internet, blogs, and emails, misinformation can be distributed faster than you can say Enfatinturelitism. This modern technology gives new found power and perceived importance to these radical groups.
Gumby though, always a student and friend of history, has a celebrity honorary membership to the Osawatomie Kansas chapter of the John Brown Gumbite and Red Leg Society Post 34 (so numbered for Kansas being the 34th state in the Union – admitted as a free-state).
As good fortune would have it, Gumby was at a recent John Brown meeting when, low and behold, who should pop her perky little head into the meetin’ room? None other than ex-mayor, ex-VP candidate, ex-governor, ex-front page news, ex-future-mother-in-law, celebrity-wanna-be Sarah Palin! (woo-hoo!) Gumby and all the rest of the ol’ boys were stunned like a duck hit on the head with a club. Gumby was so excited at the sight of Palin that he wet himself (just a little).
Palin was heard to say “Gosh darn it you boys are hotter than a space heater on a cold January night in Fairbanks” and called Gumby “a true American maverick”.
Shown in the exclusive photo above is a gun-totin’ Palin with Gumby and his fellow Gumbites. Afterward, Palin asked “Do you boys have a helicopter I can borrow to go wolf hunting?”
Foot notes:
*Pukite – The Dictionary of American Regional English (Vol. 4, Harvard University Press, 2002) lists 1831 as the first reference to Missourians being referred to as "pukes," while the noted Ozarks folklorist Vance Randolph discusses the origin of the term at length in his book Down in the Holler: a Gallery of Ozarks Folk Speech (University of Oklahoma Press, 1953, 1986). One theory of the origin of the term cites a story that residents of St. Louis in the early 19th century "got the pukes" from eating local wild greens, or gathered Illinois "pukeroots" to stem the sickness, thus becoming "puke-hunters" or "pukes." Randolph mentions on page 274 that residents of Arkansas & Oklahoma frequently referred to Missouri as "The Puke Territory" or the "Puke Nation."
*Gumbite – A small green toy, a follower of a small green toy, or one who professes the teachings and beliefs of a small green toy. Commonly a wearer of wool and a chapeau. Commonly armed, but not dangerous.
